I spent much of my teens and twenties literally living like this, worried about what I said or did, quite often with no good reason.
I apologised for anything and everything despite the fact I most likely hadn't done anything to require an apology ....only overthinking!
It was only having kids that probably gave me the oomph to have the confidence that seemed to be so lacking (Evidenced so much in my generation (1980s) and those older than me. I got fed up people pleasing, saying yes to everything, when really I just wanted to say no and actually taking risks with the possibility of failure in order not to stay put where I was.
I have always lived for the day...that is just me. But now I try to live for the best version of that day.
Being Decisive
So rather than just fit a ton of things in my day whether I particularly want to do those things or not. Now I choose to do the things I want to do and if there are things that I feel will bring me down or not be to my mental or physical benefit I simply don't do them. I'm not saying I don't do the hard things because we all have to do hard things but if there are things in your life which are not nourishing your soul they probably are best avoided!!
Nor do I pretend that every minute of every hour is a joy but I do try to look to what it is the universe is trying to teach me and I might not understand right at that moment but things do slowly come together and they may surprise you.
How do I find my confidence?
That elusive confidence is in fact inside of you.
Being confident, is saying what you want for your best life and equally, what you don't.
Being confident, is standing tall and being proud of who you really are...not the one who is subservient to everyone else's needs and expectations
Being confident, is not arrogance, but taking a step forward in the direction of where you really want to go not staying stuck in a place that is swallowing you up and not allowing you to be you
Don't be fooled by just what you see on social media. As someone who has to be very much present on SM I may seem the most confident person going but that's come from life experience and realising you have to put yourself "out there" and fuck it's scary but the more you do it the more you build an inner confidence in who you are. There will always be a part of me that's not but I try to be as honest as I can on my page because I will never be a perfectly polished influencer, as normal people just aren't that. We have faces and bodies that tell our life story without speaking a word. I am still a work in progress. We all are.
But believe you deserve the best for yourself. Never think small. You have an inner fire that should burn brightly and not be dimmed by others.